I wake up to my phone ringing through a lacerating headache. I ignore it. The person calls again. The guy sleeping next to me grumbles enough that I pick it up, mumbling hello, my breath acrid, my mouth chalky and sticky. There is a frantic woman on the line demanding “are you Tara?” I grunt affirmative. “I’d like to know what this magical evening you spent with my fiance is all about.” Shit. Which one was that? I’d been flinging my body around so carelessly, to whoever would take it, I wasn’t keeping much track of their names, let alone details like which of them might have had fiances. She’s asking me these questions about whether we use protection because she doesn’t want to get an std and I look over at naked guy next to me and he’s hearing the whole rant. After I manage to get the woman off the phone, he asks me to leave. Shucks. He didn’t even want to kiss me goodbye. He was one of the few I’d actually slept with more than once, and I’d been hoping it might turn into something more, if it wasn’t for that hysterical woman. Not my fault some guys can’t keep it in their pants. I’m not the engaged one.
I gathered my clothes then crept into the living room sucking out the remaining droplets of beer and wine in the abandoned bottles, as there was no booze left in my bag. I look up and the guy who’d slept with me just a few hours before is standing there with his arms crossed looking at me like I’m all kinds of trash. I think to myself ‘how the Hell did I get here?”
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Here is a list of suicide crisis hotlines by country:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_lines
Here are links to support groups with an online presence that can be vital in recovery:
For a comprehensive list of 12 Step Meetings:
https://12step.org/social/online-meetings
Smart Recovery:
https://www.smartrecovery.org/community
Refuge Recovery
https://www.refugerecovery.org